Tuesday, June 10, 2014

Back To The PIts...

One of the last pictures that will be taken by my trusty Nikon CoolPix S3300. Shortly after I took this, I dropped the camera on the floor and now it does not function...
Tonight was back to almost non-existent money at the store... Yes, we made some cash, but far below the average amount needed to survive at the current space. Am I worried? You bet. Am I going to let it get to me to the extent that it has been lately? Nope... I can't afford to be in that emotional spiral again.

Overall, I'm still holding out. I had a fit of mania last night that left me moderately productive, but only in the sense of laundry. No real writing/gaming ideas came to mind, but to be honest, I wasn't trying to coax them out, either. As it goes, I'm going to try to get *something* creatively productive done tonight, and try to share with y'all.

So, that's pretty much what's on my mind, currently. A lotta nuttin'... =P

-- GD

Sunday, June 08, 2014

Let It Come To Me...


It's Sunday night after close here at the store, and we've had one of our better weeks in a while. *MUCH* better than last week, which was absolutely gawd-awful. That is good, as that is what we need to stabilize things and turn things back around. This keeps up, and it will be easier for me to continue my own positive progress.

I don't really have a lot to say, currently. I mean, a lot of things are floating around in my head, but nothing really tangible from a writing perspective. As I type this I am listening to "Robot Hive/Exodus" by Clutch. If you have not heard this album (or any album) by Clutch, you do yourself a disservice as a music fan. Put succinctly, this is a band that is four, old beardy guys who just flat out *ROCK*. In many ways, Clutch is too good of a band. They constantly sell out small venues, but they are too good to open for anyone in an arena, for they will blow 99.9% of the bands they would open for off of the stage. I do not say this lightly. I've seen a number of bands in my time, more honestly than I can remember. Outside of perhaps Metallica and Faith No More, Clutch blows away anyone else that I have seen...

Rush... Judas Priest... Anthrax... Midnight Oil... Queensryche in their prime... Suicidal Tendencies... Ghost... Gwar... Sevendust... Mushroomhead... Hunters & Collectors... Avenged Sevenfold...

Clutch smokes them all...

I've seen Clutch three times, and would see them a hundred more. They're that good...

This is, however, pure opinion... yours might vary... but you'd be wrong. =P

-- GopherDave

Friday, June 06, 2014

Dude Interrupted...

Woke up WAYYYYYY later than I wanted to today. We had shipments due at the store dirt early, so I had no time for the uniform I'm trying to reinstitute for myself. Yeah, it's a bit of an excuse, but given how suddenly I reintroduced this to my life, and the fact I had slid into a "slacker" sleeping schedule of up-until-4AM-wake-up-at-Noon-Thirty, it explains things a bit. I'm exhausted and my body is fighting back. Whatevs...

I'm scheduled today until way late (think 2AM+) and I'm not scheduled at all for tomorrow, so it might be a day or two off from it.

Ran Tai'eres last night, and while not much happened to advance the story, we had a good time. The group has been faced with a couple of dilemmas in regard to their current situation that honestly, they had been it overthinking it all a bit. Near the end of the evening, they all kind of realized it and figured out a way through at least one of their issues, so things advanced.

I'm off to go do stuff, as there is much stuff to do and I've lost more productive hours that I would have liked this morning...

Toodles... GD

Thursday, June 05, 2014

Seeing Stars Among The Steps...


Day three and the fun continues...

Woke up this morning around 8:15AM, and wen and sat on the couch to watch TV as I truly woke up and gathered my wits. Around 9AM or so, I went to stand up to grab a shower and truly start my day. As I stood, sharp pain shot up and down my left leg and I apparently blacked out, because that was the last thing I remember before waking up on the couch sometime after 11AM.

My left knee has been giving me issues recently. It has mostly been an aching I can attribute to getting older, heavier, and arthritic. Today was a level of pain I have not felt in a long while, and oddly, my knee currently feels okay. It's not pain-free, but it is at or below the level I have been dealing with lately. I'll probably have it checked out soon (sometime in the next week or so), as it is now passed the point of concern.

Tonight is my pulp-fantasy home-brew RPG, Tai'eres. We have lost a couple of players, but I am not certain I want to replace them yet. I have enough notes that a rules revision is probably a thing that should be done sooner rather than later. Mostly have to carve out time for that, which should be easier to do now that I am not swimming in a pool of depression.

Things are looking better, though... just have to keep juggling for a little bit longer... which means I have to keep on focus...

peace... GD

Wednesday, June 04, 2014

Waking Up With The House On Fire...


Day 2... Step 2...

Lately, things have been rough from a business standpoint. I won't lie. A new competitor hit the scene and has really given us what for. In an effort to retain the business they were taking away from us, we altered and evolved our approach to be more like them. Then, out of blue morass of one of the longest depression fits I've dealt with in recent memory, a thought occurred to me...

I had lost sight of who I was as a person, and by extension, lost sight of what our store is as a business.

We had become a poor imitation of another store, and we've never been that. Armored Gopher Games has always been uniquely... Gopher.

So it shall be again... It is going to take a long time to recover from the mess I've led it to, but I, as a person, and we, as a store, are no longer going to concern ourselves with what "they do over there". We're going to concentrate on what we can do to make our store better...

Which is as it should be...

peace... GopherDave

Tuesday, June 03, 2014

Rebirth...

Remember this..? I wasn't certain I did...

It's been three months since my last post, and the hits have kept on coming. I'm not going to lie. To call what I have been going through "depression" really only covers a small percentage of the surface. Thing is, I'm done letting it keep beating me down. I'm done letting it win. I have reached the apex of apathy and I am now saying enough is enough.

It is time to get back to being who I truly am.

One of the first steps to doing that is to get back to a healthy routine, which includes this. Writing, even when I was writing effectively nothing, kept me clear and let me untangle what was in my head. Doing it daily helped keep me focused on things. I have so lost sight of that focus, it's not even in my time zone.

June 3rd, 2014... Day one of rebirth... Day two will be tomorrow... it has to be... I have to make positive progress or I fear I shall not return and all will truly be lost.

Don't wish me luck. In fact, don't wish me anything. I don't need the crutch or the distractions.

To all the haters, obstacles, and problems... GET. IN. THE. RING.

-- GD

Monday, March 31, 2014

Boo...

Okay, This is sort of a check in...

The month of March sort of went like this for me...

Life: "Dave... Do me a favor and plant your feet about two... two and a half feet apart, okay..."

Me: "Why?"

Life: "Just humor me..."

(Like an idiot, I spread my feet to the requested distance)

Me: "Okay, now what?"

Turns out, "what" consists of life proceeding to spend the better part of a month kicking me straight in the proverbial nut-sack. I hate when that happens, and it has pretty much driven my bi-polar ass right into a swamp of emotional morass. I could reach a greater level of depression than I am already in, but that would probably involve a bullet to the head. Luckily, I have a few things in my life that will prevent that from happening.
  • One, I have a kick-ass wife who is my rock. If it were not for her, I very well would have just said "screw it" and left the area with everything that has been happening.
  • Two, I have three kick-ass kids (yes, I am counting the dog) who are more than worth sticking around for. 
  • Three, I have a group of friends that keep my ass in check, and check in when I get the way I am now. Thanks, guys...
  • Four, my access to guns isn't what it used to be. I can still get them, but it's more difficult than it used to be, and by the time I got ahold of one, my mood would change enough that I wouldn't need it anymore. Plus, I would remember a promise I made to myself just over 26 years ago and get some damn help.
As it stands, there are some aspects in my life that demand that I be a leader in order to right the various ships. I just don't know if I have the capacity within me to do that currently.

Completely changing the subject, on the musical front, a couple of  things happened to add to my depression, and one thing happened that has helped. First, two gentlemen from bands I have enjoyed for a long time passed away. Bob Casale (a.k.a. Bob 2) from Devo and Dave Brockie (a.k.a. Oderus Urungus) from GWAR have both shuffled off this mortal coil. I look to write pieces on both of them here soon. I just need to carve out the time and mood to do so. The good thing is that I finally acquired the new album from the reggae-metal band, Skindred, and it kicks ass! Kill the Power is one of the best discs to hit my player in some time, and I'll take all the small victories I can get at this point...

peace... GopherDave