Depression and the Evil Spiral...

Don't let the shot fool you. The sweater is jet black. It just looks like a really badass charcoal gray due to lighting.
I would **TOTALLY** buy a sweater in this color, though... Just for those of you keeping score at home. =P

I had a good conversation with a friend of mine about his ongoing battle against clinical depression. As we spoke, the talk had me thinking about my mind set over the last couple of years. Looking back, I have very little doubt that I have been coping with a MASSIVE fit of depression myself for the last 3+ years. Since I am also a person with minor (untreated) bi-polar syndrome, this depression would occasionally get punctuated with a spike of manic that would last for a day or two, but then I would sink back into my malaise.

Consequently, the longer things went on, the more depressed I began to feel, but it was so slow in onset that I literally did not noticed that it had happened until earlier this year. It was, in a word, insidious. It is only with the clarity that "distance" provides that I am beginning to understand just how f****d up I was.

• My weight had a lot to do with it, but even that was just a result of my not wanting to do anything meaningful. The less I did, the more weight I gained, and the more weight I gained, the less I wanted to do anything at all. I am just now pulling out of this in a number of areas, but some damage has been done (health-wise) that will take a fair amount of time to fix.
• My realtionship with Mrs. Gopher, which has been rockier than we ever let on in the last couple of years, is showing signs of improvement because I am putting effort back into it. Part of our issue wasn't that I didn't care about my marriage, but instead it was my not realizing that I was NOT actively caring that did most of the damage. I was distant, lost, and pretty much unapproachable, and I had NO idea I had become that way.
• The store, which had slid into being sort of a dingy clubhouse, is now getting more of my attention once again, and things are slowly coming back from that. The main reason with us changing the hours back to opening at 11AM after two and a half years of opening at 3PM was to force me to be in the store more than I had been. As tired as I am, it is helping both the store and myself.
• My gaming life? That's still being worked on, but I am taking steps to address that as well.

Plans are in place to take my life back... =)

Another friend asked me if I felt my current upswing is just another manic hiccup and if I will, after a brief period, slide back into my long-term funk. Honestly, I'm not sure, but if I believe it to be, then my depression has already won the battle again. However, another part of me is saying "screw that noise". Now that I've opened my eyes to my own (in-)actions, I can address them for what they are. Knowing what they are... They're gonna get fixed, by sheer force of will and good (re-built) habits.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some life to attack... =)

peace... GopherDave

Ideas Forming, Though Not As Quickly As I'd Hoped...

On point once more... I might be getting the hang of this again...

Been thinking about the superhero game and the system I am going to run/write here soon and came up with a few concepts to fold into the mix...

• No sort of endurance/fatigue rules... Too much tedium and bookeeping in a genre that rarely lets heroes be seen as human. If there is a fatigue mechanic contained within, it'll be expending extra effort which will begin to wear on a character.
• REEEAALLLLLYYYY slow experience build-up for characters, if any at all... The one thing I've seen kill too many games is that characters become so powerful that there is nothing left to challenge them that doesn't seem like the GM is cheating more than a little bit. Superheroes do change and evolve, but typically only at key story points (or change in the writing team).
• Trying to evolve some form of dice pool mechanic that will eliminate the swing of single-die systems, or even exploding die systems. This one gets more difficult as I am trying to keep things simple and free-flowing from a mechanics standpoint. The thought seems like an oxymoron to me at this stage. Hmmmm...
• Given that I want to run a more lighter and upbeat superhero game than I typically do, character death is never a result of a normal fight. A character will have to PURPOSEFULLY state something along the lines of "I am trying to kill him" in order for it to stick and have meaning, and even then, it will be at some dramatic cost...
• Speaking of drama, trying to working a drama/karma system the can play off of the players and the GM where we can trade cool moments almost tit-for-tat... Thinking about a starting pool equal to the number of players that the players begin with having access to, and a smaller pool equal to half the players (round up) that the GM gets to use initially. Players can claim a drama point for themselves and spend it later personally, or they may leave it in the group pool where all PCs have access to it to do the same tasks, but at double cost. Points spent by the players end up in the GM pool, and vice versa... or something along those lines.

That's just off the top of my head currently... Hopefully more, and more concrete, stuff to come...

peace... GopherDave

Steady as She Goes...

I got exactly NOTHING done last night on the game. I did get a fair amount of laundry done, though...

Basically, I have some backgrouond ideas, but no system yet. As I stated before, I'm working with an odd mix of player expereince levels. As a group, they need something simpler than average, but with more mechanics than say FATE. Still looking at writing my own game... I have to do one for the convention in January. I may as well use this as a test of basic mechanics. Now I just have to come up with some basic mechanics. =P

So... the earlier store opening has been nabbing us some sales I don't think we would have gotten otherwise, but it has really cramped into my ability to run errands. I desperately need to shop for soda for the store, but have not managed to do it in four days. Today didn't help either as I woke up about 45 minutes before the store was supposed to open at 11AM. I made it, but had no room for side trips, so... Still working out the kinks... ;)

peace... GopherDave

One Day at a Time...

Things are proceeding as well as can be expected. Plans are in place for the slow (re-)improvement of the store to bring it back to where it once was, and then take it a little beyond. It will all take time, effort, and a bit more money, but if we put the first two in, the third will come.

I have a game I am supposed to start next week, but I have nothing ready yet. I have a genre (superheroes), but no system. I also have some restrictions in what systems I can use to make things work for everyone. Player experience varies, and I don't have the prep time for a crunchy system like HERO or M&M. I'll work something out here shortly, though. I always do. =P

I already have some ideas on how I want the world to be. Now I just have to get them on paper. ;)

(I'll be over here laughing at myself for that last statement...)

-- GopherDave

Just Over a Week In...

Thursday, Friday, Sunday, and Monday... I was off on Saturday... kind of...

So far, so good... The early opening times are slowly starting to catch on once again. After 2.5 years, it'll be slow going, but I am optimistic...

Game-wise, I am running three games, committed to running a fourth (why did I do that?), and trying to plan five events for the convention in late January. I not a glutton for punishment at all... (read: sarcasm).

Beyond that... all is as well as it could be... =P

-- GopherDave